I'm not going to lie. It's been a MINUTE since I've last posted. Somewhere along the way life got in the way. Most of you who know me know that I've worked in the animation industry for a number of years now, and in entertainment as a whole for even longer than that. I love this industry. I love the people, I love the environment; it's always called to me.
But for weeks, even months now, I've the same nagging feeling that I've had before. Something isn't right. Something isn't quite right. I go through my days and I feel.. I feel like I'm dying.
That probably sounds a tad dramatic. I guess it is. But it's also always been a part of who I am. I've never been able to do anything quietly. My sister once said to me as we drove along a highway in Germany, "Ami, you talk SO much". It's true. When I do something or I think something, I just have an urge to share it. Because maybe there's someone else out there who's feeling this way too.
Of course there's part of me that's scared to share something like this. But at 32 I think I've been through enough judgment in my life that I mostly don't give a fuck anymore. This is my life and this is who I am.
So right about now you're like, what? What is it? What the fuck did you do?! Just spit it out already. That's what my best friend would say to me.
Well, I quit.
I quit my job. Yesterday. Rather, I put in my notice. I still work there as of this writing. My intention is not to bash where I work or to spill any sort of crazy secret. I know that people from work will read this. It's just simply to say, I was unhappy and I quit.
What I keep hearing, over and over, which has blown my mind, has been two things: #1, overwhelming support in a manner that I never could have foreseen. Just pure love and support from everyone. Everyone! I'm thankful in a way that I can't even begin to describe. #2, The sentiment of, "If I could, I would do it too". That, has shocked me.
More than anything it's also given me the opportunity to see what kind of value that this risk that I'm taking has. That if people could, they would too. It made me feel like I was doing the right thing. If you're wondering if I have anything else lined up, I don't. Did I make some grand plan before quitting? I didn't.
But I'm not afraid. and I'll tell you why.
It's not because of money (don't have a lot of that). It's not because of security (I'm moving in with my friend and her three family members to make things work). Did I mention I'm 32? I must be crazy, right? Maybe I am.
But this is why:
I've spent the past year of my life working diligently, every single day, on myself. In a manner that has covered every aspect of my life: mental, emotional, physical, spiritual. I even started a pseudo-podcast that I broadcast on my Snapchat every Sunday night, quietly at first, to a small group of friends, talking about the relationships that we have with others and the relationships that we have with ourselves. Sharing it all has been a huge awakening, and a huge shift in my life in priorities and what I really care about and value.
Those things are these:
- Love (familial, friendship, romantic)
- Experiences (building skills, making cool shit, traveling)
That's it. Those are my priorities. And the way I've been living? I realized that they didn't add up to what my priorities are. So, I decided I needed a change.
Now, I want to highlight the fact that leaving scares the shit out of me. I've done something like this before, and I've failed. I've been where I've been working for over three years now and it's an amazing company with amazing people. I've been in a situation that a lot of people dream of-- I know I did for a long time. I could even see myself potentially there again someday in the future in some capacity. But for right now in my life, it's no longer aligning with my priorities. Which are:
I want to live a free(lance) life.
I want to build something for myself.
I have no ties. No family here in LA, no kids, no spouse or significant other. So I asked myself, why am I not taking more risks?
And well, here we are.
Quitting my job, moving in with a friend and her family, with a little bit of money but not very much.
I work hard, I've worked hard to get where I am (which is for two world renowned companies, something I'm very proud of) and will work hard to get where I want to be. Maybe sharing this makes me a nutcase. But like I said, I don't really care anymore. Because what I care about is growing. Surviving. Thriving. Being open and honest and free with my vulnerabilities. Because I don't know how I'm going to do it, but I will. There's no other choice.
My plan is to keep this blog updated and also start streaming my podcast on a platform other than Snapchat as I find my way through this new chapter. If you're interested in listening to that, Episode 8 will be up this Sunday (Snap chat username: jamomartin).
If you're interested in hiring me to shoot photos or video, or editing content, I'm so appreciative of your support. If there's some adventurous quality to it, I'd been even more stoked. But the fact that you're even here, reading, that means the world to me. I appreciate you more than you know.
Thank you again for your support, and talk soon.